I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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