Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
