He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
