i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
