I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
