apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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