He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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