I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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