You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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