I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
