everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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