I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
