Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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