i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
