tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
