after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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