then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Your penis caused this!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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