ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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