I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
