I wannas sexs uuuuu
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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