Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
