my soul wont recognize me after tonight
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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