at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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