I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
