it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
