Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize