Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
