This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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