Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
