Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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