And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
