I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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