i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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