I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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