walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
