Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
