he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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