Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
