Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
