I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize