I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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