saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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