Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i would punch a child for taco bell
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize