I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
bring money and cleavage
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
