I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
