Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
