How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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