I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
