Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
