The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
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