in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
