i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
