maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
