i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Boobs speak an international language.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
