it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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