I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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