Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you had me at cake vodka
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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