someone threw a dead crab at me
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
