I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Randomize
