The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
