Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
