There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
