you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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