All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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