i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
