whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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