I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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