We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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