: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
