Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
