and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
