They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
