the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
