i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
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