that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
