listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
