Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
