why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
