help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
