What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I think I just sharted jello shots
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
