Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
