3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
