I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
