im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm bleeding and have questions
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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