Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
