I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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